When Only Faith Remains

by Kim Upton (Hillbilly Mystic)

March of this year (2010) was a life-changer. A good friend of mine came down to pour a sweat for me. Life was sort of giving me fits, but I couldn’t really get a good hold on reality. My husband was only a few weeks out of an operation that went very wrong, my kiddos were dealing with the stress of that, and I was trying to turn lead into gold so we didn’t lose everything we had worked so hard to have. Or, better stated, I was about to have a nervous breakdown.

In a sweat, there is nothing between you and yourself. If you have anything to work on, in any aspect of your life, you will learn about it in a sweat. As I stepped into the lodge, I was full of my own Ego. Phrases like, “This isn’t going to work,” and “How cheesy is this” kept popping into my mind. At one point I began to chicken out because I was afraid of what people might think if I actually did a sweat. And, after all, I could handle everything in my life with just a little practice, casual overlooking, and good old-fashioned hard work. I was a strong woman, someone who had stood up to harder times than what I had in front of me. Everything was going to be okay, I just knew it.

You know that joke about telling God your plans? The punch line to that joke conjures up hysterical laughter from anyone who hears it (including God) because we all know that the best laid plans never really take off the way we hope them to. My plan during the sweat was to concentrate on not getting too warm, and not looking “lame” to my friend who poured for me. I was going to sail through this experience and not even break a…sweat.

I’m not sure how long I sat there, water pouring from my forehead, before I had my first vision. As I tried to fight it, hoping my mind would come back to “real world” and focus on important issues (like how much longer I had to sit in the tent), more visions came to me. One after another they came, with animals, elders and messages. As one left, another would come in. They were comforting and maternal in nature, but each one rubbed me raw in all my hidden places.

Moments before my friend lifted the flap, I had the strongest vision of the whole evening. The whole process felt like totally losing one’s mind (which is the point of the exercise), and I had lost all of the mind I cared to lose at that point. Salt from my tears mixed with the sweat from my brow. I was shaking and scared. Everything around me crumbled, and I could see a clear path in front of me. It was going to be hard, and it would require a complete rebirth, but I would walk with many guides and ancestors. All I had to do was one little thing.

Shaking my fisted hands, I tried really hard to escape that part of my path. I mean really, what had this “thing” done for me? I carried it with me since I was a child, and it let me down time and time again. In fact, it was the very thing that had created my hardened heart and suspicious thinking. How dare anything tell me that all I needed to do, to progress in life and to find a sense of calm, was to have just one thing.

Faith.

My friend told me the rocks had released all their heat, and that it was now time to cool down and leave the lodge. I was thankful to have the cloak of darkness around me, holding me like a mother holds a newborn child. The stars gave me a soft place of rest, and the sky looked down on me with reverence. As the cool water splashed on my skin, I knew my life was about to experience something true and real. It was something that connected me to all living things, and made me a child of the Universe.

Because, truly, all that remains in the end, when life is doing what it does, is Faith.

Meditation:

"Take a long look at yourself. Look until you begin to weep. Look until you find the deeper part of yourself yearning to break free." - All That Is

Many years ago I tried an exercise where you stare at yourself in the mirror. The point of the process is to break down all false "images" you see about yourself, and peer into the True Self.

Every so often I like to do this exercise - letting all the layers of what I think I see, or what I present to others, and let the Inner me come out.

What I learn after doing this exercise, is that I'm still the same person deep down that I've always been. The only thing that changes is how I present myself to others. The further from my True Self I get, the harder my life becomes. If I overlook any aspect of myself, All That Is will put that directly in your path. Whether you believe in something outside yourself or not, Life Itself will just present you with things you need to see.

Today I invite you to take a deep breath, grab a reflective surface, and practice getting to know Yourself.

Handing you a shiny object....

---

"Kim Upton is an inter-faith minister, holistic health care practitioner, Quantum Alchemist and Listening Woman. It is her belief that each human holds the key to their own Inner Wisdom, and teaches this through companionship Work she calls Authentic Inner Education.
Trained under Susun Weed, Jeannine Parvati, Wilma Water That Listens and Jim Running Bear, Kim has learned much about natural healing and living. Along with these teachers, Kim has completed over 230 college credit hours in the subjects of Religion, Literature and Education. Calling upon her family’s lineage of healing, Kim has incorporated many touch healing modalities into her work, and combines many wellness paths into one whole...."--Kim Upton -- Check out her workshop/seminars and weekly podcasts!